Preface - Time Won't Let Me

The Story In My Eyes

(The Continuing Saga Of A DarkStar)

There are so many biography's of the great rock stars that have been and their stories are absorbing reading. But the life that I have lived in the pursuit of this dream is no less absorbing. You can consider this a cautionary tail of how even with enough talent you can self destruct so slowly that it takes an entire lifetime to come to an end. I've always had the talent, of this I am sure, but either I was to unlucky or to afraid of rejection to try hard enough, either way it was not to be and I failed to shine in the rock & roll night sky. What might have been, I will never know.

Preface - Time Won't Let Me

I remember one night in 1972, I was hanging outside at my friend Donnie Balls house; I was waiting for him to come out. I was by myself, it was a cool fall Long Island evening, I was stoned and off in the distance I could hear All The Young Dudes by Mott The Hoople playing on some radio somewhere.

Often, even at 14, when your stoned you start to think profoundly and existentially about anything. I was staring up at the sky and because of the fact that there were no street lights I could see for miles and miles as The Who would say. The stars were so deep and so numerous that it humbled me. And of course the paradox of existence and time was not lost on me even at such a young age. I specifically remember thinking about 2001 because the movie of the same name was still fresh in my mind. I wondered what the world would be like and I wondered what I would be like and what adventures awaited me. After a while of pondering this notion I would give up because 2001 was over twenty years away and at 14 twenty years seemed to be a tremendously insurmountable time and it staggered me. I immediately dismissed the thought from my head and went on with whatever I was doing but from time to time this same thought would occur to me again and again and I would always quickly move on.

Then there was one night when I was in Florida at summer camp, I was visiting St. Petersburg, It was a warm night, and I was down at the docks by Tampa Bay. There was life going on all around me and the smells, the lights and the sounds of water lapping at hulls and wooden docks rubbing against those very same hulls, the sound of bells as they slowly clanged from the back and forth motion of the boats and for a brief moment I felt at peace and was so deeply glad to be alive. I have had that feeling a few other times since then but I haven't felt that way in at least twenty years and I miss it so much that it hurts. From my present perspective I long for that kind of peace but I know that it can never be again; that kind of contentment is reserved exclusively for the young. As I get older I find it harder and harder to relate to the kid that I once was, I feel detached from who he was and who I am now and with that comes despair, I miss him.

I offer these remembrances from my past, in part, as an explanation as to why this narrative is now in existence, I have enjoyed reliving these times and it has been a catharsis for me. I also have been an avid reader of biographies about the classic rock stars of my past and the notion that my life as an aspiring rock star was just as interesting. Why not a bio on a DarkStar; just because I failed to play Madison Square Garden does not make my story any less compelling. The shit that I have been through, both good and bad are now precious moments that I do not regret and often wish I could relive and maybe change a few things but as a whole if I had to live this life again, I would. It was all such a glorious blur of phantasmagoria that sometimes it seems that I lived through a kaleidoscope of sorts. Even on a local level it was grand and passionate and sublime.

I have often been accused by a friend of mine of being "Too Open" with my life and my feelings but I have always been an open wound of sorts. I believe that being open is the hallmark of all writers; you have to be in touch with yourself in order to write effectively. I have also reconciled my past to the point that I embrace it and as Rod Stewart once sang "You Wear It Well"; as I start to quote my contemporaries and their songs mercilessly.

I also cherish the memories of those people that have died and the ones that have moved on to their new lives but the one thing I know is that I am a better person for having known them. I am also better for having known the horrible people in my life because they gave me an example of how not to be.

And lastly I want to pay tribute to all the wonderful creatures great and small that were my pets, I miss all of them, they were my children and I loved them so much that I still choke up when I think about them.

William Glick
2007